Only the lonely.

They say you can be surrounded by people and still be lonely. How true this is.

I have a loving husband, three kids, family and many friends but still lately I feel so lonely.

How many times are you told being a mother is the hardest job you will ever do. It is, I just never thought I’d lose myself along the way.

Is it social media? I see everyone’s happy snaps, out on the town out with groups of friends, doing fun family activities, going on holidays. While I always feel stuck at home.

Is it my husbands job? He’s frequently travelling interstate, staying in luxury hotels and dinning in expensive restaurants. I wonder in the long term how this will effect our marriage. When he’s well travelled and lived the high life and the most gourmet experience I’ve had recently is going for a quick lunch while the kids are at school. You can try not to be bitter or jealous that one half is always missing out but after 4 years it gets hard.

Tonight he’s nominated for an award at his work. Which means he’s in Sydney staying in a fancy hotel right under the harbour bridge. This is his second nomination for an award and all though I’m proud of him it hurts that the partners that work so hard behind the scenes at home are always excluded from these events.

Living away from family and friends also takes its toll. I don’t have a ‘group’ of friends like I used to back home. I try different things to meet new people but in the end have resolved that I just keep my circle small. Even those few close friends I have over here I barely see now.

I feel like everyone’s life is moving forward except for mine. I feel guilty for feeling so sorry for myself too because my life’s not that bad. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m not crafty, I’m not sporty, I can’t get a job because I could only work 9-2 and not in school holidays at all. I find myself wandering round the shops most days buying useless crap because I don’t want to be home alone all the time.

I guess I feel like I said earlier I’ve just lost my way a bit. Maybe just putting this out there will help, who knows.

Sorry I’m not so positive lately,

Jess 💙

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